Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So many bounce houses so little time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
