this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
