She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
