How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
