she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
