the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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