Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
