yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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