I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
