You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
