Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
