My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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