drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
