I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
