No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
