dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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