Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
