The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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