my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
