Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
