"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize