And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
