If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
