I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
