I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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