Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
