And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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