We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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