I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
