Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they need to just BURY HIM!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
