people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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