Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
