You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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