Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it hurts more in the daytime
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize