My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
