your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
