Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
