I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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