I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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