I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
