i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
