she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
