I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize