She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
