Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
