He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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