I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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