i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's a naked man in my car right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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