...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
