Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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