So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
