break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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