Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
