hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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