Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
