I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
