I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
