So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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