It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
me + whiskey = a bad person
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
