My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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