Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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