recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
