TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize