Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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