shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
